It’s hard work finding out who you really are in life, hard work putting in all the effort to get the pieces in place and then hope it all stays together. There is always a comparison to someone else, someone else a little more successful than you and more popular, someone you want to be but know it would only be really possible in a dream.
This past year I have worked hard on this blog, trying to post everyday and establish the ebb and flow of this site, get into a consistent stream and away from the jerky one off posts. I didn’t exactly accomplish the task of posting every day (I made it to January 24th) but I did post more often, many times at the bad habit of minutes to midnight, doing something I rarely ever do which is stay committed to something. I grinded it out, I fought against my writer’s block demons, my distractions and procrastination.
At this point in my life that has seen many changes already from people dying to siblings moving away, to old and new animals enter and leave the house, I really want to find my calling in life. I established this writing base of mine for basically one reason: to not have to do it later in life.
Would I love to be anyone but me? Most definitely. I’d love to be someone who gets instantly recognized and makes millions of dollars for doing something stupid on TV or the internet. I’d love to have the feeling of being validated and knowing you are definitely a winner, someone who is important. I’d love to be living in a huge mansion in a huge city. I’d love to be one of the singers performing in Times Square tonight in front of the entire world. I’d love to be the President and literally be the voice of the people. I’d love to be someplace more interesting tonight than here in my boring home, living it up with parties and dancing. And the feeling of shame in the morning when all of the confetti has settled and there are a great number of people hungover.
But I love being me. I love finding that uniqueness, something that makes me special. There is really no pressure on me to succeed and having no claim to fame means there is not much to fall from. If I became someone else, there would be a learning curve with all of the new friends and family I’d have to get to know. I’d have to get used to living in a new city and settle into all of the cultural trends. Would I be comfortable living as someone who is in the spotlight? I don’t know. I’d feel as if there would be more pressure on me to succeed, the pressure to keep working and pleasing the fans. I hate pressure. It drives away away creative freedom in exchange for doing something in a hurry against a deadline. I’d rather work at my own pace, on my own time.
2016 might or might not be more of the same as 2015. I’m definitely going to buckle down and look for a job, not matter how crappy it might be. I would love to move away from home and into my own place. The whole family might move to the heartland of Kansas. It would be nice to have new scenery for a change and a new outlook on life, but knowing life as it is, the cap on discovering inspirational new things will always be in play.
Some of my blogging goals for 2016:
- Read and comment on blogs more often, at least one everyday (I faltered this year on that, but don’t exactly feel bad about it).
- Try even harder to be more consistent on “quality posts”
- Get to 500 or more followers by the end of the year
- Read more of the “Freshly Pressed” content on WordPress to get a sense of what else is out there
- Participate in the NaNoWriMo and other writing events, looking for new inspiration
As for the whole of 2016 in general, I hope it turns out to be another wonderful, awesome year. I wish for that one event that will leapfrog me to new heights. I will continue to improve on who I am, not what others want me to be. What’s the use in living if you can’t be happy with who you are? Doesn’t everyone have a chance to be someone special? Let’s make 2016 the year of me, not the year of who I wish I would be.
Daily Prompt: A Brand New, Effective Tomorrow
Tomorrow you get to become anyone in the world that you wish. Who are you? You can choose to be anyone alive today, or someone gone long ago. If you decide to stay “you” share your rationale.