The Changing

My whole world is changing

Things aren’t the way they used to be

I feel the past slipping away

And the future calling for me

My dreams must not stay dreams

They must come true some day

For I am more than just a number

Uniquely I am

Ready to launch

Away from that vanilla sea

Of monotony and boredom

But the gravity will always

Bring me back down

In the very end

 

 

It’s Over

It was nice knowing you
But now that I know the truth
We can never see each other again
Because of the safety issues
The walls came crashing down
Those skeletons came out of the closet
I really thought you were a catch
But I was naïve and void of knowledge
And know that I know the truth
I can finally forget and let you go
I might spot you in another life
Twenty, thirty years who knows
We’ll just nod and go our separate ways
Not wanting to start anything anew
It was nice knowing you again
I’ll always have that perfect first memory of you

Waiting

I’m waiting for her

To see if she cares

To see if I’m important

To see if I should be there

There are better things to do

Then sit by the phone

And wonder who will make the next move

I could be achieving my dreams

Advancing my degree

For the first time in weeks

My head feels clear

Feels clear to move ahead

To make leaps and bounds again

With no one holding me back

But in the back of my mind

I still want her

To talk to me and be the chase

To have the tables turned

And her missing me

An Overcoming Aspie

Image result for autism ribbon

I’ve been overcoming something that had plagued me for most of my life. Being locked away in fear and anxiety, afraid of the outside world, afraid of interacting with others.  I don’t think I’ll ever quite be “cured” but I sure feel a lot different now. I feel like I am able to function in the real world and do the same things that others do. Having a repetitive activity everyday helps keep me on track and develop goals for the day.

Now meeting others who are on the same spectrum as me interests me a lot. So far, I’ve met four others who have Asperger’s: a student from high school, one from a college class, one on the WordPress platform, and a girl who I want to call my girlfriend but still am figuring out if it will work or not, being miles apart with no certain date of seeing each other again, other than on Skype. Learning from what they are going through and how they are dealing with it has opened my eyes up to another world, one that I previously thought was shunned and misunderstood.

The truth is that we are an incredibly special group of people, with special abilities and talents. It’s these special skills that pave way for some truly great discoveries.

I don’t believe anyone can fully outgrow autism, and if they do then there is definitely was a misdiagnosis. They can learn to cope with it and blend in with the crowd, but it will always be there, always coming out in a situation that isn’t so comfortable for the person.

I don’t have much trouble with large crowds, but too much noise definitely will make me nervous, such as loud car stereos and loud speakers in a theater. I have certain habits I can’t help and they act as stress relievers, such as right now where I am waiting for a response from my girlfriend. God, it drives me crazy.

I still need my alone time, in order to recharge my batteries, to think and reflect. The bonuses of being alone mean being able to read and write more. I used to always want to be alone, used to avoid any social gatherings, but as time went on I realized how hard it was to live and experience the world. Having more friends means more opportunities and fun.

The last ten years, from when I finally decided that I was going to start on the path to beating this, have been quite amazing. I have transformed and evolved into an entirely different person, one who is now not afraid to try new things and step outside my comfort zone. I’ve probably had more effective conversations with people, including my relatives, than I had in the 17 years before the new beginning. A New Hope.

Getting out and meeting people will always be a challenge for me. Even getting away from home is hard. It takes a lot of effort and courage and some workarounds in my routine in order to fit a new relationship component in there. The great thing about Facebook and the Internet is that it is easy to develop and maintain relationships online now. It’s always easy to get to know a person’s personality, for better or worse.

Marathon Runners

Image result for life is a marathon

Life is a marathon, not a sprint

Full of ups and downs that take your breath away

You won’t reach the finish line in one night

But you can definitely start toward it today

Marathon

The Eyes Have Seen

My veteran eyes
I have seen the pain
The death and destruction
Everything that is wrong
with humanity and beyond
The selfishness and greed
And now I see you
And my heart breaks
Because I want you so much
But your eyes return a cold stare

Eyes

 

A Thousand Rainy Years

Hi, My name is Bayleigh Friday, I am currently 20 years old with the terminal lung condition called cystic fibrosis. All my life my Mother has struggled to get me back and forth to my appointments, we come from a low income family and with my mom being single it was very hard to take care of both me, and my two sisters who as well has health issues that are hard to manage . We have moved from Jackson MI,To whitmore lake MI in 2012 to be closer to my specialized doctor for my Declining CF health, I’m raising funds to help me get back and forth to all my apointments which adds up, My mother had difficulty working all her life balancing between my health and enough money for my high calorie food diet and trips back and forth to the hospital, And now that my lung functions are at 33% I’m getting closer to my Double lung transplant.
Once i get on the list my mom is going to have to quit her job to be by my side to support me threw it all, and we wont have any extra income coming in.
We have no where else to turn for funds to help support me and my family.
It would mean the world to me because I always had a hard time growing up and trying to have a normal life with what I have, I would be the most thankful girl in the world for any donation possible.. Thank-you for reading my short story.

  • kept as how it was written, with the many grammar errors

She died today. The doctors didn’t even get her on the list for a double lung transplant, which was needed ASAP. Money was raised on GoFundMe to help the mother pay for hospital expenses but none of it really matters now. I’m sorry that I write another about sad story, another tragedy. She was barely 20 years old with still a long life to live. My youngest sister’s best friend. The what ifs of what could be made of a future life come into play. She could have been anything she wanted to be, like an artist because I heard she was really good at painting and drawing, but an unfortunate illness and being dealt the wrong cards by an uncaring God halted that.

And her body will return to the earth

To refertilize the soil and nurture the green growing plants

Completing the eternal life cycle

Of a thousand rainy years and many more

Now just a memory etched in stone

A young life so fragile and broken

To return in another form or so

And view the world through happier eyes