Jokester

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I once hid myself in a box
Alone with just the clock
My mother came by
I jumped out in surprise
Her heart skipped a notch

That’s right – I did this little prank a few years ago, to her utter shock. A good laugh was shared afterward. I can ensure you her heart is in proper order.

Joke

Mother’s Day Humor

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This is the card I bought for my mom. It cost about $3 at the local superstore, so I kind of went all out for it, but only because I couldn’t find any cheaper alternative. As you can see, the front is a picture of one of those humorous smartphone conversations between a mother and son. Simple and not quite worth the price. I still live with my mom so no postage delivery is necessary. That eventual move out day is somewhere on the horizon.

Moms sacrifice a lot for their kids. We pay them back by showering her with gifts and just overall love.

Worth A Thousand Words

I wouldn't go on Splash Mountain with my wife.This picture that was posted on imgur about a week ago has gone viral. The expression on this woman’s face is priceless. She seems very upset (pertubed the husband said) after her husband wouldn’t go on the Splash Mountain ride with her, probably afraid of getting wet. I seriously think she looks like Willem Dafoe. Now the only question that remains is if she is single again.

I seriously don’t think the husband had anything to worry about: the ride doesn’t look like it even got wet at all.

Everyone else looking excited as ever while she folds her arms in disgust makes the photo very effective.

“Eat a Snickers, you’re not you when you’re hungry”

I guess all in all, in these situations, you just have to go with the flow, both literally and figuratively.

Cards Against Humanity

Returning to a racous night

The laughs were coming fast

The most absurd combinations

Disturbing images to last

If I could return to that night

Well, I can’t say it would be the most tranquil

The many offensive, stupid matchups

From bumbling idiots on fire

To presidents popping the pill

This isn’t your normal card game

This has got a little extra spice

So think twice before you play this game

Unless you don’t mind hearing things

That aren’t exactly nice


If you could return to the past to relive a part of your life, either to experience the wonderful bits again, or to do something over, which part of you life would you return to? Why?

Another One Bites the Dust

Headphones, headphones, headphones,
I’ve lost so many of you
All shapes, sizes, and brands
They were all once brand new
Sony, Skullcandy, Apple, Casio
Cheapest to the money hungry
Red, black, white, and yellow
The audiophile dreams aren’t funny
Some shorted out in one side to my dismay
The last pair’s cord got ripped away, wires a fray
And now another pair gone to the audiophile graveyard
And a new pair has been bought, hoping to go very far
I’m hoping this is the very end
To all my overhead gaffs
Headphones no. 24 or 25
The one to outlast

 

Embarrassing Fun

She was the first

At party thirteen

Making loud animal noises

Embarrassing the rest and me

I didn’t mind because the party

Wasn’t mine

It was my sister’s

And she’ll always shake her head

At this cheeky, forgettable time


In Response to the Daily Prompt: Third Rate Romance

Tell us your funniest relationship disaster story.

Halloween Riot

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My Donald Trump pumpkin carving, which took about an hour and a half to make

Halloween was a cheerful all nighter,
The haunted house and the chainsaw choir
The kids walked up to my door,
Candy I had no more,
So they proceeded to set my house on fire!

Of course that last line didn’t happen, but it was another Midwest Halloween for me that was more quiet and somber than in previous years, with both of my sisters being away and the good ole days of trick or treating getting further and further in the mirror – I didn’t even dress up this year. The walk through the park’s haunted house was better than I expected, was really spooky and believable. A white faced Michael Myers impersonator really did a good job of creeping me out after I had a moment’s stare at him, following behind me in the maze and then meeting me at the end where a man revving a real chainsaw (or was it just a sound effect?) had me worried that I quickly got out of there. The rain poured down tonight, leaving a really damp and depressing All Saint’s Eve, not prime weather for our little costumed heroes that it was all over by 8:00. I didn’t run out of candy, that’s for sure, and there weren’t any riots.


In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Trick or Trick.”

Let’s imagine it’s Halloween, and you just ran out of candy. If the neighborhood kids (or anyone else, really) were to truly scare you, what trick would they have to subject you to?

Repeating the Halloween prompt from last year? Fine, I’ll take it. My first response was a revenge poem as well.